Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm like, not good at living.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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