I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
