Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
