Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
