the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
