My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
