You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
