Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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