Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
