the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish you could order shots online.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
