Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
