Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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