allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
