I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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