I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
