Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Why can't burritos get me drunk
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
