saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize