I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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