So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
