Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
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Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
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You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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