Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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