Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
