I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
