Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
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THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
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