I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
