I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
