Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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