I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
