Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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