Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
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I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
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you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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