Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?