this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it