I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
