The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo