He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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