My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
