oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
