i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize