I want to make a zoo with you.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
