here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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