12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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