Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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