It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Send us your Text From Last Night!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
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