Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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