Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
