It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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