I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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