YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize