I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
