You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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