wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
