wrigley field is MILF paradise
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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