Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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