yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
