Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize