Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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