My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
