i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
we should paint friendship bongs
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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