Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
