Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
