some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
