my phone needs a breathalizer
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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