I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
