I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
