It's a beautiful day for a hangover
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he was CRYING into my vagina
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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