I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
