My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
