Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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