There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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