I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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