honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
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we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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