saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
