WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
