Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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