the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
