Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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