Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
