Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
