Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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