i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
