Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
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