dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
