she looked like the before picture.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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