I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
