Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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