Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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