Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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