Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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