You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
