im drinking this country out of the recession.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
