She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
