I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Who died my cat blue again?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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