Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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