I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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