forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
