If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
