he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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