It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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